Eroticising Homophobic Bullying
To what extend has your desire shaped your body? How much do you work out so that you can 1) have the kind of body you’ve always fantasised about, and/or 2) have the kind of body that others will desire? What have you done to your body to make you attractive to others? Dieted? Pumped … Read more
Roleplay and Foreplay
The German guy wants us to roleplay, and it’s making me anxious. I SMS him: What’s the scenario? And he replies: A job interview. And then, he adds, you fuck me on the table. He’ll turn up in his suit, he says. He likes the whole suit and shirt thing, mainly because he likes unbuttoning … Read more
A Year of Fire and Rain
It was a strange year. Not one of the best. Not for me, and not for the world, really. The floods started in Brazil in January, mudslides, buildings and trees and people and animals being washed down hills. And the Arab Spring began with a young seller burning himself alive. And there was the fire … Read more
One Jerks Off While the Other Sews
In 2009 Masanobu Sato masturbated for just under 10 hours, and so became the world record holder in the men’s division of the Masturbate-a-thon in San Francisco. Masanobu trains for it. He swims, he eats well, he spends quite a bit of time at home in front of the TV watching the news or porn … Read more
Not Even E, nor BB
My therapist says I’m a very moral person, and he doesn’t mean that as a compliment. What he means is that I’m judgemental and self-critical and that I should give myself a break. He doesn’t have a problem with me having loads of phone sex, talking to guys (strangers) about fucking their Rottweilers and shitting … Read more
Can You Not Pay the Rent-Boy?
We agreed on £60. That’s reasonable, I messaged him, but I’d like something in return. So he writes back, something along the lines of: You can’t have a pound of my flesh, but I’d consider most other things. He was what I liked: tall and skinny, with a nice mop of curly black hair. I’ve … Read more
Betrayal and the Exhibitionist Writer
I’m writing a piece for Headmaster magazine, an über-cool magazine for homosexuals. Potential contributors are given an assignment by the editors which they then have to finish within a month or so. Their assignment to me is to look at some old photographs (to be revealed in the magazine) and to write an essay or … Read more
Love? and Some Thoughts on Weekend (the Film)
What L wanted more than anything (at the time of writing this – in his notebook, in the cinema) was to love the film (Weekend). Secretly (!) he thought he might not, that he might be jealous, as artists sometimes are. Not in a bitter way, but in a way that makes one angry when … Read more
What Beautiful Men Do
Three hours later and his smell is still on my skin. His aftershave, his arsehole, his spit, his cum, his mouth, his nostrils, his skin that was so smooth it seemed to catch the late-afternoon light on its surface. Like glass. But warm and soft. Think of any Bel Ami porn star and Stefan looked … Read more
Being Inside (The Weeks of Nada)
I’ve been busy. Let’s just say I’ve been in a place where sex was not an option. Masturbation – yes; and a lot of that was done, so much so that I have started to think maybe I could spend the rest of my life having phone sex, coming up with various scenarios and talking … Read more
