On Desire and Holocaust Denial
When the German came over you were expecting someone younger. In his Gaydar pictures – clothed and unclothed – he was a cute guy in his early thirties, tall and blonde and slim. The one picture of his arsehole alarmed you, it didn’t look like an innocent arsehole at all, and you liked that. Tall, … Read more
Eager
He’s eager. It’s nice that he’s eager. After a while of not having someone being so eager about me, it’s nice to have someone who is. We haven’t met yet. We’ve exchanged messages online, a few texts, and this afternoon we had a brief chat on the phone. Over the past two weeks, he’s tried … Read more
Not Even E, nor BB
My therapist says I’m a very moral person, and he doesn’t mean that as a compliment. What he means is that I’m judgemental and self-critical and that I should give myself a break. He doesn’t have a problem with me having loads of phone sex, talking to guys (strangers) about fucking their Rottweilers and shitting … Read more
Can You Not Pay the Rent-Boy?
We agreed on £60. That’s reasonable, I messaged him, but I’d like something in return. So he writes back, something along the lines of: You can’t have a pound of my flesh, but I’d consider most other things. He was what I liked: tall and skinny, with a nice mop of curly black hair. I’ve … Read more
Love? and Some Thoughts on Weekend (the Film)
What L wanted more than anything (at the time of writing this – in his notebook, in the cinema) was to love the film (Weekend). Secretly (!) he thought he might not, that he might be jealous, as artists sometimes are. Not in a bitter way, but in a way that makes one angry when … Read more
What Beautiful Men Do
Three hours later and his smell is still on my skin. His aftershave, his arsehole, his spit, his cum, his mouth, his nostrils, his skin that was so smooth it seemed to catch the late-afternoon light on its surface. Like glass. But warm and soft. Think of any Bel Ami porn star and Stefan looked … Read more
What’s Behind “Boring”?
Even if I don’t want to I will write about him. There is something to be said for just recording, for making sure that stuff gets remembered. He is gone now and I will never see him again and I only saw him once, just the once, and now that I have blocked his profile … Read more
A Man in My Bed
Young men – can we ever get enough of them? Especially the tall slim ones, the agile ones, the ones whose skin is soft and pliable, who are uninhibited, who are driven my pleasure and hunger. I meet a lot of them during my visits to London’s subterranean haunts of promiscuity. How refreshing these young … Read more
