All We Want: Neighbours to the Rescue
We don’t always like ourselves. We don’t always feel good about who we are. We don’t always wake up in the morning and think: Nice. We don’t always look forward to the day. There are times when we would rather not have any more days. Or nights. We are not always fans of existing. We … Read more
He Wants to Know What Love Is
The last time I had sex with The German Guy the conversation went a little something like this: “I don’t think I’ve ever been in love” he says. “How do you know if you’re in love.” We’re lying in bed after sex, after good sex – we always have good sex, which mainly involves me … Read more
Gay Man Has Sex with Woman, Almost
During the lunch break, while the others went for rice and chicken soup at Barshu on Frith Street, I went to one of those acupuncture/herbal medicine/massage places on Shaftesbury Avenue to try and get some relief from my shoulder and neck pain. A friend had suggested I go for a chair massage. They’re great, she … Read more
Fucking Facilitates Forgiving
Okay, so we made up. The German guy (Stefan) came round to the hotel I was staying at this weekend and although we hadn’t really had a fight over him cancelling or fucking me around last week, the sex was as good as making-up sex. My God, it was good. We were good. Hotel sex … Read more
Lydia Davis is Efficient; or One Strike and You’re Out
We’d arranged to meet at seven but then just before six he texted to say he was not going to make seven and could we meet at twelve when his dinner was over in town. By twelve he meant midnight. If he hadn’t mentioned the dinner I might have agreed to meet. We’ve met several … Read more
Roleplay and Foreplay
The German guy wants us to roleplay, and it’s making me anxious. I SMS him: What’s the scenario? And he replies: A job interview. And then, he adds, you fuck me on the table. He’ll turn up in his suit, he says. He likes the whole suit and shirt thing, mainly because he likes unbuttoning … Read more
On Desire and Holocaust Denial
When the German came over you were expecting someone younger. In his Gaydar pictures – clothed and unclothed – he was a cute guy in his early thirties, tall and blonde and slim. The one picture of his arsehole alarmed you, it didn’t look like an innocent arsehole at all, and you liked that. Tall, … Read more
Doing It with Little Guys
Time passes and you forget. He was small, that you do remember, no more than 5′. His name was… what was his name? A Chinese name. Two characters. I think he said his name was William. Yes, I said, but is that your name in Malaysia, too? I showed off my ten words in Mandarin, … Read more
Not Even E, nor BB
My therapist says I’m a very moral person, and he doesn’t mean that as a compliment. What he means is that I’m judgemental and self-critical and that I should give myself a break. He doesn’t have a problem with me having loads of phone sex, talking to guys (strangers) about fucking their Rottweilers and shitting … Read more
